“A husband and wife should be loyal to each other and try to make each other happy in every way… Today, we’re talking about finding God in family life. We’re talking about selflessness and how the husband can care for the wife and the wife for the husband…”

Sitting in the temple, my gut tightens when I hear these words. “Husband and wife” with no talk of partners, husband and husband, wife and wife, or anything remotely queer.

After all the anti-gay preaching I’ve heard about in churches, I can’t listen to this. No mention of inclusivity. No mention of my community. This is ridiculous. I came to yoga and to this temple because of its acceptance of all people. Is not even this place open to us? It’s like he doesn’t see us, like I’m not even here.

My body’s heated up, heart beating fast, hands are sweating. I can’t hear the service anymore, only a rampage of thoughts. Why are so many religious people against gay and trans people? They act like there’s something wrong with us. Is there something wrong with us? Why does this anger and defensiveness keep popping up in me? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so different from other people?

OK, OK, focus now. Focus. What’s happening right now? I’m in a temple, surrounded by people. The monk is talking at the front. Nobody’s saying or doing anything directly to me. I go inside my body, feel my chest and my stomach. I feel my abdomen and I flex it. Activating my core muscles helps focus my attention. My eyes sharpen and open wider, and I sit up taller. With renewed clarity, I remember my strength, and all the energy comes upwards. I am no victim; there is power in me, coming powerfully through me.

I look back outwards. Is there a real threat here? The monk at the front is talking about finding God in relationships. He tells stories about overcoming conflict in friendships, between monks at the temple, within working relationships, and even when driving in LA. The talk’s purpose is how to find God in relationships, not about differentiating between relationships. I realize that beginning part of his talk was just a reading from an older monk’s version given years ago.

OK, I’m back now. Here we are. Give me some wisdom, God.

The monk never says the words partners, husband and husband or wife and wife like i’d wanted him to, but he doesn’t say husband and wife again either. He uses “lover and beloved”, and he talks more generally about selflessness as the opposite of selfishness. Within selfishness, he includes that when we are only looking out for our own group of people similar to us, we miss the bigger picture.

Damn, the bigger picture. Looking beyond my own ego, I can see a much bigger perspective. Flex my abdomen, stay in my strength, and show up for what’s presented. When I am bigger, I can see bigger.

Because the final Truth is that all of it is me.