I sit before you in your office chair for my first consultation. My mom sits next to me, and tension is high. We don’t know what to expect; we are jumping off the highest cliff I’ve ever seen.
3 months ago, I finally told my mom I’m a boy. She looked at me wide-eyed with no understanding. She looked confused, sad, angry, afraid, a whole mess of many things.
Something in me wants to be better than you so it can feel good enough. It sees a world of limits, a world where there’s only so much worth to go around. It’s deep in some dark corner inside me. I don’t want it to be there, actually I hate that it’s there. So I…
In this new job, I get to hear lots of stories of youth transitioning. I see myself mirrored through them and watch myself as I transitioned 3 years ago. They show me the pain I haven’t let go of, the vulnerability I tried to leave behind as soon as I could “pass” as a man….
It’s prom night, spring of 2002. I shave my legs for the third time ever and wear a decent black dress I found that’s not too frilly. Doable. Hair’s out of the ponytail and down on my neck. We had a soccer game this afternoon, so all my teammates are getting ready together. Someone puts…
transpiritual 